Because I've struggled (and still do) with anorexia one of my rules is that when I go to a doctor's office they are not to tell me what my weight is. They respect this wish because they know about my past. However, my current doctor's office has a rule too. They won't tell you how much if you ask them not to but they will tell you if you have gained or loss since your last visit. Today, the nurse said "You realize you've lost weight since your surgery, I just have to let you know that." I smiled and said, "really?"...MUSIC TO MY EARS...or is it?

Deep down inside I was celebrating. I could hear a voice in my head telling me how proud I should be of myself. How wonderful to be in control of what I am putting in my body. I should be proud of the fact that I am not a failure..what??? wait a minute, not a failure because I lost weight???...CRASH...STOP RIGHT THERE JEANNE!!! NO!!! I can't listen to that damn voice it is not the good one! It is amazing how after reading that book, Life Without ED I am starting to recognize certain thoughts/voices. Rather than celebrating the weight loss, which by the way I do not need to lose weight, I should be celebrating that I am healthy and making healthy choices! I need to have a healthy mindset as well. What the scale says does not define me as a person!

One small victory today...being able to recognize that my thoughts need to be refocused!