Those who know me; know that I have struggled with two things over the years: anorexia and endometriosis. Odd combination! Both diseases have plagued my life with disorder and disruption. Both diseases have been rearing their ugliness lately in a big way. For this blog I won’t be speaking of the anorexia, that is a long story and not one that I am sure I can share in a construction manner right now but I do want to address it as part of my recovery and in hopes that someone else might get something from it as well.

I was first diagnosed with endometriosis back in the early 90’s. Life sucked at least once a month with migraine headaches, severe cramping, vomiting, etc. It completely disrupted my life back then! I would go to doctors looking for relief only to be given prescription meds. Doctors would tell me to basically ‘deal with it’ and move on. So that is what I did. I had ultrasounds that showed abnormal tissue growth and thus doctors diagnosed me with endometriosis. After seeing a few different doctors I was told that I may never be able to conceive a child.
So imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Selah. She is an absolute miracle! I know all children are miracles and gifts from God but for me, SHE REALLY IS A GIFT FROM GOD!!! Ha-ha God proved those doctors wrong, I got pregnant three months after I got married! One week before my one year wedding anniversary, Brian and I were blessed with Selah! She has been pure joy!

One of the best things about going through a pregnancy was that it gave ‘relief’ from the endometriosis! I was feeling great and thought I had the ultimate cure all and that I would never have to deal with it again. WRONG! Three years after I had Selah, things started up again. We were living in Orlando at the time and I went to a highly recommended doctor who decided to perform a laparoscopy to see what was really going on inside. He found endometrial tissue that was attaching and growing on organs and in my abdominal cavity. During the procedure he was able to laser off a good deal of it. Unfortunately, I really didn’t find relief after the surgery.
A year later, I was experiencing almost excruciating pain. They found an ovarian cyst that was over six cm and I found myself in surgery to have it removed.

Two years later (2006) we had moved to Atlanta and my new doctor wanted to perform another laparoscopy. Once again, more endometrial tissue had appeared. He urged Brian and I to think about pregnancy and I was put on medication. We didn’t feel that having a child was what we wanted to do at that point and it was probably a good thing because six month later (2007) they found a football size cyst on my ovary. I say that they found a cyst but actually I went to the doctor because I started to look pregnant but wasn’t having any other signs of being pregnant except my growing belly. I had a surgery to have it removed along with the ovary and tube! To add insult to injury the doctor found more endometrial tissue that had grown in just six months! I was encouraged to consider starting hormone therapy to try to ease it up but I declined it due to possible side effects (another story for another time but I had a blood disease back in 1995 that really made it a little scary to consider).

In 2009, we moved to Greenville and I was again seeing another doctor. Based on my history he strongly encouraged me to consider a hysterectomy or try hormonal therapy. Brian and I discussed it and I decided to suck it up and deal with the pain. As time went on I was living in constant pain and discomfort. I woke up almost every day with cramping. I would have my cycle two to three times a month. It started affecting my daily life. Anyone who knows me knows I love to run, it was hard to run because I would get shooting pain. The pain would even shoot down my right leg!

So, long story short, last week I finally had the hysterectomy! I found yet another doctor, who came highly recommended as being very conservative when it came to surgery. So when he recommended I have the hysterectomy I knew it was time. Brian and I discussed our options. We are in the middle of an adoption so to try to conceive would mean having another laparoscopy in order to ‘clean things up’ and putting the adoption on hold for at least two years. And to be completely honest, I have no desire to be pregnant and have another biological child. I am 38 years old and in my mind enough is enough. Also, I would only be prolonging the inevitable because it would have to be done at some point.

The surgery went beautifully. I had a total hysterectomy and they were able to do it laparoscopically, so my recovery time will be a lot easier. The doctor was able to leave my remaining ovary so I don’t have to go on hormone replacement, thank God! So to me, having the hysterectomy really was a blessing. I will never conceive and give birth to another child and I am totally at peace with that. God has taken away that desire and totally given me a heart for adoption.

I really feel like this is a new beginning for me. It feels like I can start to live life without pain! Something feels different and I am excited about the future. On top of it all, my recovery has been incredible. I am thankful that I am healthy and physically fit because I feel that has played a big role in recovering. The only downside to it all is that I have to rest for six weeks (which is going to be really, really hard – no weight lifting, no running…) anyone who knows me knows I don’t sit still! I guess I will take this time to start blogging again and focusing on the future!